HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
