I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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