i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
