Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
