i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
