I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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