how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize