We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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