I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
