Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
