I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
