I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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