Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
