Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
