I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
