I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
