Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
