he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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