I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize