I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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