This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
