guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize