maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
