my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize