he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
