Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize