The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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