the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and she was petting her beer can
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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