I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
