This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
