halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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