i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize