so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize