wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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