Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize