It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
