I think I died a long time ago.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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