he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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