I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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