Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
