Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize