Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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