i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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