i think my tv is drunk
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i need some magic done to my vagina
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
