I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
