We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This baby is an asshole
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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