Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
