do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
zippers are such a cool invention
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
