I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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