I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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