Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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