I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize