Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
