You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
