My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
