You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
