3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
