Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
