We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
