Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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