I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
