You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
